I've never felt that depression was the demon inside of me. I can't say for sure whether other people living with major depression, or anxiety, or C-PTSD feel that their diagnoses and conditions are separate entities/energies inside of them or not. I don't. That's all I can say for sure.
All of these things that are fundamentally wrong with my brain-juice are part of me. I hear them in my own voice. I feel them with my own mind and body. They are part of me, not the demon inside. I've seen many a motivational poster or comic or short story or poem that talks about befriending these internal demons and putting them to work for you. So maybe that is how most people see it. I can only see myself.
So I turn to the actual demon inside. My burning, righteous, rage.
Now that's a demon inside. That rage and that... indignation... seems to be a nearly inexhaustible well. It feels like a pool of magma just below the surface. The hot spring flashes of quick and over temper are the merest hint at the power underneath. It's inhuman. It's indomitable.
It's the only thing keeping me alive.
This is alchemy of anger. This is taking everything that wants to slow me down, encase me in the ice of apathy and depression, or drag me down into the black pit where nothing and nowhere makes any sense anymore and incinerating it in the heat of this raging core. Calcination by fury. Circulation by spite.
Is it healthy? Well, probably not. But it's healthier than suicide, which is a constant whisper when I allow the flames of the fury to die down in my mind.
Calcination by fury. Remember that. And trust the beast. Beasts know how to survive.
Tuesday, December 3, 2019
Monday, October 21, 2019
Calendar Page is Live
The Kindred event calendar is live on its own page. All events require pre-registration. All events have the necessary information in the calendar.
Upcoming events for the rest of October:
Pumpkin Carving on Sunday the 27th starting at 1300hrs. Cost is $10/person or $5 and your own pumpkin. All information about location will be sent out to you with your registration confirmation. If you're not in Southern Maryland and don't feel like driving to Southern Maryland, sorry about that. We're adding this event as a test run this year. We do a lot of fun things for the adults in our group and while the kiddos are only rarely excluded (some fire circles are adults only but otherwise kids are welcome) we also don't generally do things just for them. If this event is popular, it will return next year.
Upcoming events for the rest of October:
Pumpkin Carving on Sunday the 27th starting at 1300hrs. Cost is $10/person or $5 and your own pumpkin. All information about location will be sent out to you with your registration confirmation. If you're not in Southern Maryland and don't feel like driving to Southern Maryland, sorry about that. We're adding this event as a test run this year. We do a lot of fun things for the adults in our group and while the kiddos are only rarely excluded (some fire circles are adults only but otherwise kids are welcome) we also don't generally do things just for them. If this event is popular, it will return next year.
Friday, October 18, 2019
Scorpio Season
Every great work starts somewhere, and so must this one.
It's my favorite time of year so what better time to start. There are souls howling in the wind and hollow winds howling in my soul. Leaves and summer's daydreams skitter past, torn by Autumn's grasping fingers. The geese are crying, the fields are dying, the harvest of meat is upon us. It's my favorite time of year.
I feel my most creative in this shuddering season when poetry and art and frost all come easily. This season holds my Wolf's birthday, my brother and soon to be sister in law's planned wedding, several other family birthdays, and my favorite decor in the stores. Even if this year most of my long-awaited skulls and bats and things were covered in glitter. Glitter was 'in' this year. More's the pity.
It's a tricky time for magical workings, this entering Scorpio season. Everything reaches a bit deeper and pulls a bit harder at our hearts than at other times of the year. Sometimes it's for the better, when we need deep working to pull our hearts into the next stage of our lives. Sometimes it's painful, when our hearts are not yet ready to go. It's a deep water season, for the poetically minded. A season of deep currents that stir things up in the muck and leave us longing for the clarity we thought we had before. It's a season for working by feel more than by observation, by intuition rather than reason; like a lover in the dark at once more intimate, more challenging, and more rewarding.
Are you ready for it?
Are you ready for the coming home to the muck from whence we all came, for acknowledging that our memories of the past are never entirely true, for realizing that we want what we want and that's OK? Are you ready to trust the deep currents to carry you to clear water again? Reclaiming ourselves means facing the muck and embracing the confusion of the deep water season. Emotions run high, logic often takes a back seat, some dreams shatter and others find that this rich water is exactly what they needed to manifest fully. It's a season of change.
Get ready for it.
I'll be out in the fields, riding the Autumn winds into the rising moon, communing with the geese while my soul wanders half asleep between the ancestors and the stars. Star and stone, root and bone, many worlds and one great tree, many sacred ways to be, by dragon fire and moon and sun, by true will the work is done.
It's my favorite time of year so what better time to start. There are souls howling in the wind and hollow winds howling in my soul. Leaves and summer's daydreams skitter past, torn by Autumn's grasping fingers. The geese are crying, the fields are dying, the harvest of meat is upon us. It's my favorite time of year.
I feel my most creative in this shuddering season when poetry and art and frost all come easily. This season holds my Wolf's birthday, my brother and soon to be sister in law's planned wedding, several other family birthdays, and my favorite decor in the stores. Even if this year most of my long-awaited skulls and bats and things were covered in glitter. Glitter was 'in' this year. More's the pity.
It's a tricky time for magical workings, this entering Scorpio season. Everything reaches a bit deeper and pulls a bit harder at our hearts than at other times of the year. Sometimes it's for the better, when we need deep working to pull our hearts into the next stage of our lives. Sometimes it's painful, when our hearts are not yet ready to go. It's a deep water season, for the poetically minded. A season of deep currents that stir things up in the muck and leave us longing for the clarity we thought we had before. It's a season for working by feel more than by observation, by intuition rather than reason; like a lover in the dark at once more intimate, more challenging, and more rewarding.
Are you ready for it?
Are you ready for the coming home to the muck from whence we all came, for acknowledging that our memories of the past are never entirely true, for realizing that we want what we want and that's OK? Are you ready to trust the deep currents to carry you to clear water again? Reclaiming ourselves means facing the muck and embracing the confusion of the deep water season. Emotions run high, logic often takes a back seat, some dreams shatter and others find that this rich water is exactly what they needed to manifest fully. It's a season of change.
Get ready for it.
I'll be out in the fields, riding the Autumn winds into the rising moon, communing with the geese while my soul wanders half asleep between the ancestors and the stars. Star and stone, root and bone, many worlds and one great tree, many sacred ways to be, by dragon fire and moon and sun, by true will the work is done.
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